So many people come to counseling because they feel stuck, stuck in a job that offers little challenge and is going nowhere, stuck because of getting laid off and not feeling motivated to do anything, stuck because they don’t know what to do or how to do it.  The first step and often most important is to examine what is behind the feeling of being stuck.  Is there unfinished business such as feelings of grief and loss as a result of losing a job and the relationships that are left behind?  Could it be fear?  Perhaps fear of going for the job of your dreams and not landing it.  Maybe you have always dreamed of starting your own business.  What if you do it and the business fails?  No matter how bad the situation, you always have choices.  And allowing yourself to be stuck is a choice.  If you can’t change the situation, then change how you think about the situation.  The challenge is to identify any self defeating-filters through which you’ve been seeing the world and start to work at changing those filters.  No matter how well you live your life; there will always be new setbacks and stressors.  It’s not possible to get rid of all the painful emotions once and for all.  There will always be triggers, so step outside you and be the observer.  Identify the trigger and the feelings.  By doing so, you’re less likely to label each problem a crisis, and you will become better at getting unstuck and managing setbacks.  When you are feeling stuck or unable to move forward try one or more of these strategies, which have helped many of my clients.  When you feel anxious about something you plan to do, reconnect with a past success.  Remember who you are and what you have achieved.  Remember the strength you have developed through hard times.  If you do that, you can do anything. Be willing to experience the discomfort of change Go where you fear – The most important question to ask yourself is, “What do I want?”  If you want more money, what do you want your money to do and what do you want to use your money for?  When you start getting clarity about any issue, there is bound to be a gap between where you are and what you want.  The key is to allow you to stay with the questions and the tension and to create new behaviors and habits in spite of the tension. Work through personal issues Take responsibility Start somewhere Avoid either/or thinking, which is believing there is only one right path.  If I quit my job, I won’t have financial security.  In truth there are always many more options and outcomes than we imagined.  Too often we look at the future through the eyes of the past, or through the eyes of limited thinking.  Changing your attitude to curiosity about the opportunities that will come no matter which path you choose is the most liberating action you can take. Lean into resistance – When we hit a wall in external situations or within ourselves, we want to run away or break through.  One of the best attitudes when you’re stuck is just to accept that it’s what’s happening right now.  It’s where you are and there’s a reason for it. Accepting where we are brings us back into the present moment, where we no longer blame anyone, including ourselves.  Being open to the present moment gives us the viewpoint of the explorer.  Resistance is a tool of fear.  Perhaps it gives us time to get to know our fear and find out what our fear is saying or wanting us to do.

There are now over 68.2 million people over the age of 50 in the United States. This comprises one-third of the adult population and this number should reach 115.4 million in the next 25 years. Many 50-plus adults are in new or renewed stages of family life because people are staying in school longer, delaying marriage and putting off having children. Lifestyle changes such as divorce mean more adults are starting second families in their 40s and 50s.  Some adults will not enter the retirement or ‘empty nest’ stage traditionally associated with individuals aged 50 and over until they are in their 70s, if at all.  For many people, they face a mid-life career crisis when they turn 50.  At 50, an individual can no longer pretend he/she is young, but if a person is healthy and active, they are most likely not feeling old, either.  Even though youth may be in the past, their most productive years may still be ahead. The days when a person could join an organization and receive automatic job security, benefits, pay raises and promotions are pretty much gone forever. Work is structured differently now.  The key today is knowing how to survive and grow in the midst of change.  To do that, one must take responsibility for managing their own career. For many people retirement is not an option for a variety of reasons.  Some people keep working because they have to financially.  Others want to continue feeling useful or want to continue working to do something that keeps them excited 8-12 hours a day. So, how do individuals overcome unflattering stereotypes of older workers?  Age is often referred to as a subtle bias.  Most companies recognize the need to address gender, race, and sexual orientation diversity, but few have done anything but ignore age diversity. The federal government has already addressed age discrimination with the 1967 Age Discrimination Act. Unfortunately, there are many exceptions to the above rules and a savvy employer can find a way around the rules.  Despite the statues and laws, age discrimination exists.  Younger workers are willing to worker longer hours for less pay despite lack of experience.  And for organizations this is an effective remedy for the budget blues. The myths about older workers are outdated and in a society that is now information based, older workers have the knowledge, skills and experience to excel in the work world.  For the majority of older workers what they don’t know they can willingly and easily learn. Age and experience can be a plus if one learns how to value work and life experience.  To find a position, an individual must assess their strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes.  They must also identify skills, experiences, talents, interests, values and personality characteristics.  Job hunters from this population must focus on actual work content and not a job title.  Age can also be viewed as a state of mind, one that can be controlled and should be controlled when competing against younger workers for the best jobs. For instance, don’t give clues about age.  Avoid discussing age or dates of high school or college graduation or anything that could potentially label a person as “over the hill.” Using tired phrases like “in my day” is a negative, as well as exhibiting prejudice or relying on outdated business practices.  Falling technologically behind is another negative.  Learning is a lifelong process and it is never too late to learn what is needed to succeed.  Finally, staying fit and healthy is important but keeping one’s wardrobe, hairstyle and grooming fresh and current is even more important in making a good impression. When interviewing or working with younger people, older individuals should not focus on the differences between them, but should attempt to find what they may have in common.  It could be hobbies, shared values or common interests.  When the focus is on shared interests, age will matter less and less. There is no doubt we are in an environment and time of rapid change.  Peter Drucker states there now is a transformation or shifting “where society altogether rearranges itself; its world views, its basic values, its social and political structures, its arts, its key institutions.” William Bridges, author of JobShift and Transitions states “so many people look at change as a disruptive element, as something that takes something away from them.”  Some people keep hoping that our society and the world of work will go back to what it used to be where there was more company loyalty and in return, the corporation guaranteed lifetime employment.  Of course, nothing can ever be as it was and so I view change as not taking something away, but as presenting all of us young and old with opportunities and possibilities, both good and bad.  Charles Darwin said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, not the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

Satisfaction in our careers and our lives has to do with being fully conscious and paying attention to each moment as it unfolds, and trying to meet it with as much presence as possible.  It is not about waiting until tomorrow to wake up; it is about completing your birth now, and coming more fully into your life now.    Too often we delay allowing ourselves to feel good, because there is always something to do or accomplish.  And when you do accomplish a task or project or even receive recognition or an award, how long do you allow yourself to feel good?  The moment passes, the recognition dims and then you are off to the next project.  What would happen if you allowed yourself to feel good now?  If I asked you to describe “feeling good” you might say that it is happiness.  It seems the majority of people are chasing happiness most of their lives.  There is a kind of an obsession with happiness. When was the last time you really felt happy?  And how long did you feel this way?  Happiness tends to be momentary and fragile and is usually based on getting what you want. It almost always comes from doing, getting and having.  What about feeling good based on being who you are?  This is what I call “joy.”  Everybody’s known joy at certain times when they were doing absolutely nothing.  Joy can come from simple things like laying in a hammock, or sitting on the beach looking at the waves of the ocean. Joy is very often experienced in a passive modality-you’re watching your child take his first steps or a friend graduate from college. Observing the momentary happiness in another brings joy to you. Joy is always present in a sense. There’s a kind of hysteria in certain qualities of happiness, whereas joy is deep and grounded. From joy you can help others. From happiness you often can feel separate from others because you got something and they didn’t, but everybody experiences joy.  It’s our birthright. The ironic thing is we have almost no contact with joy because of our obsession with happiness.  Many people on their deathbeds say: “You know, I got everything I wanted. There were lots of moments of happiness. But if I had to be truthful, there was very little joy.” Fragile, momentary, coming and going, impermanent.  Happiness one moment, shouting the next. As you live your life and make decisions about your career and work, realize joy every day.  As you go about your day, periodically say “Stop” to yourself and come fully into the moment.  Don’t think about what you have to do next, but just “Be” even if it is only for a few minutes.  Absorb where you are and the goodness and joy of what you are now experiencing.   Joy is here right now and all you have to do is recognize and allow these feelings into your life no matter where you are or what you are doing.   

In preparing for my upcoming workshop on Conscious Living, Conscious Dying many people may wonder what this topic has to do with careers. Although none of us know when we will take our last breath, we have a great deal of control over what we choose to do with the time we have.  I have spent many years working at Hospice with those who are dying and grieving and I have heard many people express three main regrets on their death beds. First, they fret about unfinished business, or unresolved relationships. Secondly, they regret not having found the work they wanted to do; they regret having compromised, even if it was for success or money. Thirdly, it’s lifestyle: “I could have worked less, enjoyed my life more.” I suggest there’s no need to die or live in this manner especially when there are choices. Today, approximately 150,000 people will die.  There are many different reasons for these deaths, but each died their death as they must.  Some died in surrender with their minds open and their hearts at peace while others died in confusion, suffering from a life that remained unlived. Often we fail to live our lives to the fullest because we imagine that there is an infinite amount of time and so we continue to postpone living a fully conscious and authentic life. Our fear of death is deeply repressed and usually unconscious.  It typically only surfaces  when we are directly confronted with its immensity; when a loved one dies or when we ourselves are challenged with illness, old age or a deep crisis; situations that make us aware of impermanence and the insecurity of life on the physical plane, because nobody is an exception from this. The denial of death is fascinating and it is a hindrance to being present and open to change because the mind says, “I’ll do it later.” In this way, denial of death is, in fact, denial of life. From my experience I know that looking at death from the point of view of what it teaches us about life can transform the quality and vision of your life.  The workshop, Conscious, Living, Conscious Dying and my process will be valuable for all those who want to find the inner motivation for conscious living.